Today we release the Angel Mama Mala. The Angel Mama Mala sets an intention of remembrance, healing and support, encouraging you to speak about the babies that may not be in your arms, but are always in your heart.
When Jenna heard about the release of the Angel Mama Mala she asked to share the story of her son. And for that I am extremely honoured.
How much my life has changed in 11 years. I'm not the same person I was then. 11 years ago I learned everything could change in an instant...
Every year since, around the end of October I start to feel it. The memories of the ultrasound appointment. The doctors faces as they told me the news. The tests. The decisions that had to be made. It all starts flooding in.
You were my biggest lesson. You taught me fear and strength, courage and weakness. You taught me about true love, and great loss. You, my son, have forever changed me. I only got to keep you for 45 minutes and in that short time, I feel like that was when my life really began.
11 years ago I learned that when you love someone that much, no amount of time with them is ever enough. 45 minutes, or 45 years.
The loss of my son Liam, 11 years ago, has gotten me to the place I'm in now. I have two beautiful daughters that were meant to be a part of my world. If Liam had lived, if I had gotten to keep him, my road would have led in another direction. I'm not sure those girls would be here. So I have to believe that this is the way it's supposed to be.
I have been through not just a still born, but also two miscarriages. Today however, I feel lucky. Lucky that I get to be a mom to my amazing girls. I don't take that for granted. But that doesn't mean I don't think about my son, or the other two babies and who they might have been.
This mala brings me a sense peace in remembering and thinking about those lost possibilities. I am proud to wear something that symbolizes my experience. An experience that many find hard or awkward to talk about. But please, talk. Cry. Heal. Always remember them, carry them in your hearts forever. I do.
"Most people only dream of angels, I got to hold one in my arms"