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For the My Motherhood series, we ask different women the same series questions about mindfulness and motherhood to see what works for other women, but also to show how even though we may be different, we are all in this together.
I am so honoured that we have Alexa Wilding on the My Motherhood blog today. Alexa is a writer, a musician, and a mama to twin boys. You can find her beautiful and insightful articles on The Glow, Allure, and Lenny Letter to name a few. Make sure to check out her wonderful albums on itunes and follow her on Instagram to see what's coming up for Alexa!
Photo Courtesy of: Kelly Stuart
What does your perfect day look like?
Since becoming a mother I've learned to let the perfect day sneak up on me. Today for instance. I was finally sitting with an essay I had been putting off. I really, really didn't want to write it. But I stayed in my chair and wrote and cried until I couldn't write or cry anymore and then I went for a long power walk by the river. I looked at the water and I was overcome with joy. What a perfect day! And just because I showed up for myself.
Do you have any daily rituals you use to center yourself?
I keep saying I'm going to wake up before the sun, sit on a sheepskin and have elaborate spiritual-me-time but that has yet to happen. So I tend to start my day over once the boys are out the door. It can be as simple as lighting a candle, making a new cup of coffee and reclaiming the space. Throughout the day I just try to have a sense of humor. Sometimes I mutter "I'm okay, you're okay" to myself, like when I'm stuck in traffic with two screaming children. My True Mama mala necklace has been a lifesaver. Having the tactile beads to focus on and the sweet message of the stone reminds me that I'm okay!
Photo credit: Arden Wray
How do you make time for the different facets of your life?
This is a struggle, as there's only so much time before the 3:30 school pick-up. I am working on having faith that if I have to neglect a part of my life it will still be there when I return. For example, I have been missing making music lately as all my energy when I'm not with the boys has been on my book. I started to panic that that part of me was gone forever. So yesterday I quite literally placed my hands on my piano and I said, "I am coming back for you. Please be patient." It's funny how we forget to mother ourselves, sometimes.
Do you have any special family rituals?
My son, Lou is three years cancer free this March. But every few months we go, as a family, back to the hospital for his scans and check-up. His identical twin brother, West insists on going too, and what should be (and of course is) a totally terrifying day somehow becomes this beautiful and heartbreaking family ritual where we show up for each other with courage, grace and humor.
What is the best advice you have ever given or received about motherhood?
Never, ever judge another mother. You have no idea what she's going through. In fact, befriend her. She might need you!
What is your favourite part of motherhood?
While motherhood for me has of course been pretty intense (twins, cancer) and while, because I am human, I sometimes resent that I didn't have the sort of glowing experience that is plastered all over Instagram (let's be real, here!) having such a wild ride forced me to see the light in the darkness. There's that Leonard Cohen line, "There are cracks in everything/ that's how the light gets in" and I can't think of a better way to describe the last few years. The darkness forced me into focus as a mother, an artist and a person in the world; it showed me that the way out is to chase the light.